The competition is fierce this week as Desna and crew head to compete in NailPalm against the Korean Crew who sabotages their salon… but not before everybody secrets come to light. Full recap of this week’s Claws by @luvthispayne.
Give Me A Break Please!
Welcome back, did your week feel as long as mine? I blame it on the bombshell dropped on us at the end of last week’s episode. Before we get started, I have to shout out the show front runner, Janine Sherman Barrois, for letting us know she’s checked out the recaps. Hey girl, and a BIG congrats because the show has been renewed for a second season. Alright, now let’s get to the juicy stuff.
Our show opens with Little Polly Pocket, Desna, and Virginia Wolf arguing about how their plan went a little too well. What was supposed to only be a plan to have the Coombs’ framed for Roller’s murder, turned into them actually being murdered. Weeeeelp.
Desna obviously forgets Dean’s recent revelation about the Coombs sexually assaulting him because she starts to feel bad that they’re dead. Thank god that Polly Pocket snaps her back into reality because chile ain’t nobody got any sympathy for them. We fresh out. Even little Miss I Do Best At Making Mistakes is making sense. Virginia reminds Desna that the murder wasn’t their fault; this falls squarely on Uncle Daddy and his crew. Desna is also worried about Jenn finding out why Bryce really killed the Coombs’. This is all. so. messy. They are swear each other to secrecy and go their separate ways.
Meanwhile, Jenn and Bryce are decompressing outside a little cafe, and Bryce is feeling pretty good about his murderous ways. Jenn is anxious that Bryce may fall off the wagon and back into his drug using habits. But Bryce is all sunshine and rainbows. Jenn is so proud she offers him an early morning BJ in the car. I can’t with these two. Eww.
We jump to the swamp and we get another glimpse of Roller and his mystery woman. Sis is dressed in her best 19th century attire using her worst 19th century faux British accent. I eye rolled so hard, I am pretty sure I gave myself a headache. It’s immediately apparent that girlfriend ain’t working with a full deck. What she does do is let us in on how she found Roller’s ass shot and singed on a boat in the middle of the swamp. Unfortunately, she does not let him bleed out and die. So unfortunate. She saves his lil life or whatever. Anyway ole girl is walking Roller down memory lane and she has this man wearing a dog collar. I am cackling. As disappointing as it was to find out he’s still alive, I have to say it’s satisfying watching him be tortured. He earned it.
All our girls are dressed to the 9s as they head to check out their new salon. They are serving it baby. Serving all of it. All the unmitigated glee and joy is brought to a screeching halt once the ladies enter the salon and are met by Desna’s Korean foe. If you remember, this is the same person that tried to block Desna from getting this salon in the first place. Desna and crew are checking out their new home when the prior residents start talking sh** about them in their native language. But Desna, the ever perceptive can pick up on the shade and racism and let’s them know all them asses got to go. See ya, cause we don’t need ya!
Desna’s dismissal incites an abundance of petty in the newly unemployed remaining nail techs who take to the toilets to exact their revenge. These heifers fill the toilets with tampons which cause the salon to flood and the pipes to burst. Lemme just say right here that Desna is a better person than I am because baby, they earned a reach out and touch. Bryce, who used to be a contractor (yeah I don’t believe it either. Can you imagine him being in charge of something as important as your pipes. Nope) tells Desna and Jenn that they’ve amassed about $12,000.00 worth of damage. Desna doesn’t just have that kind of money lying around. She just used the last of her money to frame the Coombs’. Bryce ole dumb a** suggests she just borrow the money from Uncle Daddy. Seriously Bryce, thats your first thought is to get back under the thumb and indebted to the man she has worked non-stop to get rid of. I swear Bryce is the weakest link, I just know he wouldn’t have survived natural selection.
Right as Desna is trying to figure out this whole money situation, Bryce gets a call that Uncle Daddy wants to see him and Jenn ASAP. This can’t be good. And of course it ain’t. Anything involving Clay is bad news. Uncle Daddy has “graciously” purchased Bryce and Jenn a rather large house. He wants to gift it to them with no strings attached. You know if you aren’t counting that little string of murdering two people in cold blood. Right. Yea, no strings. Bryce, surprisingly has on his thinking cap and turns down the house, but Jenn accidentally borrowed a bit of stupid and accepts. Brynnifer obviously doesn’t like nice things between the two of them. They don’t like to win. Jenn’s all, we gone accept because little Cherry Blossom wants to learn music. Girl you better take her to the Y or get her a youtube account. You can learn to do anything on youtube!! This the same man that just had your husband murder two people and you want to live in a house he bought. Ok. Girl.
Back at the salon, Desna and Virginia are unloading her car, when the nasty nail techs from Hades come to collect some of their leftover supplies that they’ll need for the local nail competition. Apparently they win every year and they have a lil chip on their shoulder about doing so. Two can certainly play that game honey. Desna decides that her and the crew are going to enter the competition as well because guess what, the prize is MONEY! Our girl needs some money. Only problem is only 4 people can compete on the team and Miss I Wanna Be Down gets sidelined and she ain’t happy.
Jenn comes back from the meeting with Uncle Daddy and she opts to tell Desna that Uncle Daddy has bought them a house. Desna is a cross between upset (y’all remember when Dean freaked out because it was raining in the house and Desna has been promising him a house), disappointed (because obviously Jenn should know better than to accept a “gift” from Uncle Daddy), and frustrated (because I swear she’s in her own version of lemony snicket a series of unfortunate events). She and Jenn argue over the acceptance of this house, then Desna storms out because she needs some fresh air.
Only she went to the lil stand where she’s always buying her fried shrimp but she left her wallet. Ole boy behind the counter plays her to the left, to the left, and she can’t believe he won’t let her get her food. Luckily he doesn’t because up walks Dr. Fresh Air for real offering to pay for her food. He then invites Desna to eat lunch with him. She accepts, I see you girl.
When she returns from lunch, Desna gives the deets about Mr. Breath of Fresh Air. He is a gynecologist and y’all know they childish so them jokes FLY! Anyway, she agrees to go on a real date with him and things might finally get back to normal for her love life. Did I mention he’s Haitian? Sak pase boo!
Over in looney land aka the swamp where Roller is being kept, girlfriend is working him out *biblically* multiple times a day. I almost want to feel ba…. Nope. I won’t lie to y’all. He deserves all the nastiness he done gave out. Girlfriend is nuttier than a pecan pie and Roller is trying to glean as much info as possible. We know she’s some kind of artist and later in the episode she reveals her statue of pubs that she collected from a prison. Super GAG. I threw up a little in my mouth.
Y’all know Desna can never have anything run smoothly so while she’s on her date with Dr. Bae, she gets an emergency call from Dr. Ken. *sighhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh* I swear Ken is like a three year old toddler. He really has zero ability to manage his emotions. Of course Desna has to run to his rescue in the middle of her date. Damn you KENDRA! Desna arrives and Ken sees what he believes to be a car thats staking out the clinic. Desna marches right over and GUESS WHO? Quiet Ann is getting her swerve on with the hottie, Detective Branch from last week. Owwwww. I swear Miss Ann keep a team.
The next day everybody is all in everybody else’s business. Miss Ann is getting lectured because a detective is obviously not a good idea because ummm hello y’all launder money and sell pills. Desna gets convinced to call Dr. Bae and reschedule for dinner at her house. Ken sorry sap self drops by with cookies to apologize. We don’t want your cookies Kendra. Trust Polly Pocket to handle business ALWAYS. She slaps fire from Ken because he is whining way too much. FI-YER. I cannot stop laughing. Just keep that slap on loop.
Over at Bryce and Jenn’s new home, Dean is visiting because Desna has her hot date with Dr. Feel Good. Jenn and Bryce are working on the kids play house when Jenn hears Bryce telling Dean that he has a new job and may be helping out with Uncle Daddy more, and she accidentally bangs her thumb with a hammer. She whacks herself pretty hard which means she can’t compete the next day in the competition. Le sigh. See this house trouble already. What did you expect JENN?! Nothing is free with Uncle Daddy. Duh.
Miss Ann and Little Polly Pocket are helping Des get ready when Dr. Bae shows up. The night is going well. Des is in her little short shorts and they’re cuddled on the couch swapping all the spit. Of course, its interrupted. This time its Can’t Get Right, Don’t Know Right, Won’t Be Right, Virginia.
Lets back up, so after the tampon toilet tantrum at the new salon, Virginia went to go meet up with her roommate Relevance, the skripper. Relevance. On the day that they were picking stripper names Relevance must’ve been last in line and all the good ones were taken. Relevance. I just. ……
Let me move on. So Virginia was having dinner with Relevance at the strip club and Relevance tells her about her new gig which involves her dressing as a bird and dancing on camera. Relevance boasts that its really easy money because she doesn’t have to strip or sleep with anyone. She offers to throw some people Virginia’s way, and Little Miss Maybe I’m Learning actually declines. Not so fast my friend. Fast forward to when Virginia learns she won’t compete with the crew for the nail competition and she goes running, well actually rolling (I can’t), to Relevance. This brings us to the night of Desna’s date. Virginia has met up with this guy and she is under the impression that she is only supposed to be dancing as a bunny rabbit. *rubs temple* Girlfriend is super enthused offering to make bunny noises and hop around. But ole boy has other plans in mind and he wants to live stream them having sex. Ooop.
Virginia is NOT down for this, but this man is determined that he is going to take it if she’s not giving it up. Sh** just got REAL!!!!! Virginia manages to lock herself in the bathroom and call Desna. Right as Desna was getting her swerve on with the good doctor. Desna rushes over with Quiet Ann, what you thought?! It is own and popping. Miss Ann brought her bat and baby she packing a mighty swing. Virginia is rescued and sobbing uncontrollably. Honestly, I actually feel bad for Virginia. I know I know, I’m getting soft. But she’s been going so hard since Episode One trying to get Desna and everybody else’s stamp of approval. She just wants some acceptance and affirmation. Bless. Her. Heart.
But look Little Biscuit Brain, you gone have to start being smarter. Desna and Miss Ann might not always be there to clean up your mess. Get yo life together.
The next day is the competition and just before they head in, Desna and Jenn are talking about what really happened and how Jenn smashed her thumb. This opens an entire can of worms and it gets UGLY. Jenn says Desna is just jealous because she has the house. She lets Desna know that her kids deserve nice things too. Desna tells her that she should be ashamed because she knows the danger of being mixed up with the Dixie Mafia. Pot. Meet. Kettle. This is easily the dumbest argument for them to be having because they are both entangled with the Dixie Mafia and Uncle Daddy. The link became inextricable the day they started laundering his money. Both of y’all shady. But whatevs
Inside the competition, it comes down to the final round and its Desna and Crew versus our least favorite Korean Nasty Nail techs. In a final round head to head, Desna manages to best out the pathetic polisher by owning her complicated mess of a life. The prize money is $15,000 and we know where 12 of it is going lol
The episode comes to a close with Jenn helping Dean pack for his trip to South Beach for a bodybuilder competition. He’s taking Virginia with him and I just want Little Polly Pocket to slide through and smack her like she smacked Dr. Ken. Please. For us all. What are you thinking Virginia. You better not hurt Dean or its your a$$. But as Jenn is questioning Dean about his trip, he says just a little too much and mentions the Coombs’. Jenn learns that Desna had a vendetta against them. Damn damn damn damn damn DEAN! Y’all already know next week gone be wild. We will have to wait and see how this plays out but with tensions between Jenn and Desna already high, I don’t think this is going to go over well.
What did you think? Let me know. See you next week!
Twitter: @luvthispayne
