Just when things seem to be going well for Zoey and Cash, trust issues and family drama bring in unexpected complications. Full recap of “C.R.E.A.M. (Cash Rules Everything Around Me)” by @luvthispayne.
Wassup, Wassup, WASSSSUUUUPPP! Welcome back y’all. This week felt like it has dragged on into infinity and beyond. So I was super excited to get some much needed comedic relief from #grownish last night. It was ALL about social media drama and I loves me some social media drama because:
Let’s get into this week’s recap!
Alright, so on last week we left with Zoey coming to realization that because Cash was NOW good at basketball, he wouldn’t have to actually be good in the classroom. Apparently, when you’re the money train for Cal U, classes be damned. This week the episode opens up with more hype around Cash Mooney being the man for his on court domination, and Zoey seems to be benefiting from his new found celebredom. Zoey has been up under his arm and in just enough selfies for everybody to know that Cash belongs to HER!
We all know how much Zoey enjoys a good spotlight. I ain’t mad at Sis, she went from crushing/stalking on baby Stokley, to juggling the Weekday and losing him on the weekend, to actually dating Baby Kobe. Zoey has had more boyfriends this semester than she has course credits. But I am not one to judge.
Anyway, dating Cash seems to have its perks, especially for a girl that LOVES attention (She is after all Andre Johnson’s child and that man is an attention whore) but with attention comes TROLLS! More specifically, Instagram Trolls. Cash posts a selfie of he and Zoey and captions it #WCW and we are all AWWWWWWWW but before the folks could even double tap, the comments started rolling in. One person said they looked fat, another said he smashed Zoey and another called her a hoe.
But instead of either deleting or blocking the folks with the negative comments, Mr. Trigger Finger Turn To Twitter Fingers responds and lets everyone on the interwebs know that Zoey is a “hashtag” Virgin. Why? Why lord? Why must he be so fine but so stupid? And then God replied, “Because he’s a man.” Great! Nothing says I just wanna to be with you forever like putting all my damn business in the street to fight with some internet trolls you don’t know. Look I want to fight him for her. Naturally Zoey has to go confront him. I mean he says he’s sorry and we know that. They always sorry. He even deleted the comment but not before like A Hunnid Thousand people saw it. Welp!
His apology doesn’t cut it and Zoey heads to a place we rarely ever see her go; Class. She’s in Dr. Telphy’s class. Pause. This man is nuts. Like actually certifiably nuts. He’s huffing dry-erase markers at the beginning of class and I’m wondering why hasn’t natural selection come to collect its child.
Anyway in class and Zoey is fuming and decides to get some advice from Sky and Jaz. I don’t know why in the hell she would try and get advice from Bust His Windows 1 & 2 because we already know they super not with the bullsh*t. They don’t hold back either lol.
I mean could she be any clearer? But Great Value Brand Drake is listening and he needs Zoey to stay with Cash because he has a party coming up and he wants all the Cash groupies to come so he can pick up the pieces of the hearts of the rejected. I’m sick of him. Like bruh you a whole ass rapper and you can’t get no groupies of your own. Again this could be because we’ve never actually heard him rap and he might sound like hot garbage lol
Anyway, Zoey ain’t the only one with drama. Nomi heads to Zoey’s room because she needs to talk but Zo-Zo isn’t there and Ana answers the door. When Ana opens the door she is wearing a “What Would Bristol Palin Do” shirt and I swear every week, I am more convinced that she deserved her humiliation in the first episode. Like Sis is taking this republican thing too far and honestly, I’m fed up.
(Look at that ugly a** shirt)
Anyway Nomi guilts Ana into inviting her in so she can talk to somebody. Apparently, she’s having problems with, David, the really hot dude she started dating recently. She broke up with him because every since he told her that he’s bisexual, she can’t stop picturing him tonguing down every guy that comes within two feet of him. Okay Nomi girl let’s talk. You threw a WHOLE ass fit when ole girl said that you couldn’t be bisexual and now Sis you flipping out. I guess it’s only okay for women to be bisexual. Come on double standard. I am side-eyeing the hell out of you!
Anyway, Zoey is freezing out Cash big time. She’s still really pissed about Cash posting her business on Instagram. Apparently, everybody and their mama has an opinion on how she should handle it. Honestly, the best advice comes from Luca. They are in class together and Luca hears her phone going off repeatedly and Zoey tells him about everybody and their opinions. The ever wise young Jaden Smith asks her why does it matter what everybody else thinks?
For like the zillionth time, Luca reads Zoey because while she’s worried about the immature and narrow minded opinions of some Instagram trolls, Cash is going through a legit family crisis. But Zoey is unaware of said crisis because she’s ignoring his calls and texts. Luca explains how its hit the news that Cash’s Dad is selling off his high school memorabilia for money? They sure Cash’s last name isn’t Newton?
After hearing this, Zoey rushes to find Cash and it looks like he’s headed somewhere. Zoey suddenly wants to talk and it seems like Cash ain’t feeling it. She insists that she’s going with him despite not knowing at all where he’s headed.
The trip is HELLA awkward. I mean Zoey is still mad at Cash but she’s trying to be supportive so what ends up happening is just them riding and not making eye contact and listening to a bomb ass playlist. Seriously, Cash, run me that playlist on Apple Music or Spotify!
Anyway, eventually, Cash breaks through the silence and tells Zoey that he was fully aware of what he was writing when he wrote that she’s a virgin. He thought that it’d be good for his brand. After all he’s a big shot basketball player on campus, and having a girl from a well-to-do black family who is wholesomely pure, would look good for the draft. We know image is everything in this hyper digital age. Not to mention that he comes from a family with an addict father who is auctioning off his stuff for a fix. He just wanted some balance in how the world saw him. Sadly, though he used Zoey’s virginity as a pawn in that.
Initially, hearing Cash talk about purposefully writing about her virginity makes Zoey even more mad but once she listens to him explain how he really didn’t mean any harm, she softens up. Also she admits that she kinda like how he was willing to defend her and claim her as his girl. I mean he is probably the hottest name on campus and he chose HER! I mean swag. Just swag. But this conversation makes the two of them have to grapple with whether its the status and titles that make them like each other or if they really want to be together.
They finally arrive to Cash’s dad’s house and his Dad is sitting on the porch drinking. Its seems late because it’s dark. Cash has a wad of money to give his Dad to pay him so hopefully his clown ass will stop selling off his sh*t. He gets out to go over and there seems to be an argument and a tussle. When Cash gets back into the car, you can tell he’s been crying because a tear is still rolling down his face. LISTEN, all I gotta say is Cash daddy gotta squad up. Ya son out here tryna make a life and a name for his self and you out here being a dickhead and making his life more complex than it already is for a black athlete. Nah, I’m ready to fight.
At Vivek’s non-existent party, this party was deader than J. Holiday’s career after coming for Beyonce this week. Anyway at the party, Nomi sits down with Aaron and he notices she’s not really herself. She explains that she broke up with Dave and Aaron assumes its because Dave is gay. But Dave ain’t gay, Dave is BI, BYE, BUY. Everyone seems to be having a hard time understanding this. Nomi tries to shame Aaron for his ignorance but she literally broke up with him for the very thing she’s talking to Aaron about. Hypocrite much?!
Nomi feels bad, so then she goes to see Dave and tries to run him the same story about how it just weirds her out that he has been with guys. Thankfully, Dave is not here for Nomi and calls her on her shit. She is a hypocrite and an insecure one at that. Dave don’t have time for these games Nomi, better go find you a playmate.
Back at the party, which I’m gonna stop calling it that because it really wasn’t one, and Zoey finally shows up once she returns from the trip with Cash. At this point, everybody has obviously lost their got damn minds because all at once the shade starts flying at Zoey. You got Sister, Sister from the Projects saying Cash is a clown, and that Zoey he’s likely gonna drop Zoey if he makes it pro and that they know he has hoes and probably dropped it all ready. You got I wish I was Malcolm or Martin hating ass talking about he ain’t gone make it to the league, and you got Sarah Palips bumping her gums too. Apparently, the theme tonight is I have to fight. I just gotta squad up on ERRBODY!
But they AWL had the right one on that night because Zoey rightfully blacked out and dragged all their asses to the carpet. First, with the non-Williams Sisters she told them ain’t no money for them in track because Usain Bolt the only person alive that makes money for it. I spit water everywhere. Then to Ana, she dragged her about her fake ass duolingo acquired accent (to be honest she took it so easy on her), and lastly to Aaron, she read him. For. filth. Sis, said if you an upperclassman, why you stay around us? Where are your friends Aaron?
Sis was pissed, and she wasn’t pulling any of her punches. I was HOLLER.RING. The ultimate shade though was wondering why Aaron is in her freshman classes. Someone come collect me. HALP!
Twas a read, a read well earned. Each and every one of them earned that wrath. They were being so judgmental and that ain’t how you address the problem. If you live by the drag, you die by the drag and Zoey killed em all. About to start calling her Gorilla Zo!
(The boo boo faces you make when ya friend has to drag you, ALL of you)
So Zoey leaves, and find Cash and they have a cute heart to heart after they realize they both really do like each other beyond the labels and titles of virgin or star basketball player. The promise each other that they will continue being honest with each other and keep being their truest selves when their with each other. Awwwwwwwww okay, so I am so obviously head over heels with them and #TeamZaron
I love ending the episode in my feels. Bout to throw on a slaw jam and two step with all this cute ass puppy love. I’ll just be over here dancing! See y’all next week.
Twitter: @luvthispayne
